Parental Estrangement Essays - Family, Parenting, Human Development

Parental Estrangement Estranged children The difference between an estranged child and an alienated child is that an estranged child has grown apart from the parent for reasons that are, to be blunt, reasonable, and realistic. An estranged child is either absolutely ambivalent about the other parent or enraged by the other parent. These feelings are, however, justified by the child's experience of the separation or by the child's experience of that parent. A parent who leaves the family home, enters a new relationship, and neglects time with their children and dismisses the harm done to their children is likely to become "estranged" from them. It is fair to say that no one responds positively to poor treatment, least of all children. Estrangement results from a parent behaving badly toward his/her children which, in return causes the children to cut off contact. It isn't uncommon for a parent who is estranged from his/her children to blame the other parent of parental alienation. It is easier to blame others for bad behaviour than to accept and acknowledge bad behaviour. When estrangement occurs, the justification is usually very understandable, troubling, and valid. The departing grown child often has been very badly psychologically emotionally damaged in the relationship. Here are some of the most common root problems why parental estrangement occurs. Divorce: Following a divorce, some children reject one parent, limit contact, or show extreme reluctance to be with the parent. Remarriage: Parent's remarriage may also cause tension. It can provoke or exacerbate unwarranted rejection. Lack of routine: If there is no routine or schedule in place the child may feel anxious, children need routines to help them feel safe. Personality Disorders: Many parents are difficult or overbearing, but some parents are too toxic to be around especially narcissist parents. They don't see their own behaviour as playing a role in the problem; they feel entitled to behave badly with no repercussions. Intolerance: children are going to make decisions that parents may not necessarily agree with. Parental estrangement occurs when parents fail to understand their children, never willing to look at situation from their children's point of view. Constant humiliation before others: Parents unaware/intentionally made their children to feel that s/he is good for nothing'; there is no regard for his/her dignity and sentiments. Priorities and Time. These are people who go weeks at a time without contacting their children because they are wrapped up in their career life. They don't understand why their children aren't waiting with arms wide open when they do find time to fit them into their schedule. Unresolved conflicts. Unhealthy conflict management create a basis for conflict to occur again. Recurring family arguments during significant holidays could deteriorate parents-child relationships leading to minimal contacts in the future. Witnessing violence committed by that parent against the other parent Being the victim of abuse from that parent The parent's persistently immature and self-centred behaviour The parent's unduly rigid and restrictive parenting style The parent's own psychological or psychiatric issues. Behaviours Common to an Estranged Parent: The parent who is estranged from a child due to his/her own bad treatment of the child has a "wait and see" attitude. They don't pursue a relationship with the child because in their mind the child is the one responsible for mending the relationship. The estranged parent will find it hard or impossible to view the situation from their child's perspective. They don't see their own behaviour as playing a role in the problem; they feel entitled to behave badly with no repercussions. These parents won't commit to a routine to see their child, they fit the child in when they have spare time rather fit their life around the child. These are people who go weeks at a time without contacting their children because they are wrapped up in a new relationship, focusing more on their career, spending time with the other man/woman or busy building a new life. They don't understand why their children aren't waiting with open arms when they do find time to fit them into their schedule. A checklist for parents when thinking about their estranged child: Have you asked your child what they honestly feel is the problem? Are you really listening to what my child is telling you? Is there a kernel of truth to any of what your child feels is wrong in your